Perfection
by miji-chan
Summary: Born into a wealthy family, everything he wanted should have been achievable. Instead, he was regularly hurt by his parents as a child, and left broken. Now, years later in college, one girl befriends him and tries to recover his true self. KK. Dark!
1. prologue

Perfection

Ch 1

Yes, I know I already uploaded this, but there were a few things I found it necessary to change, so I edited and re uploaded this chapter.

Warning: this chapter is very dark and involves examples of child abuse.

I'm sorry, but this story does involve such abuse and therefore I must show examples of what happened in the main characters past. The rest of the story will take place in the present, this chapter will be the only one to contain such implicit evidence of abuse... it will get better.

Another note, this will be KxK, eventually.

Please enjoy... and review!

* * *

His entire life was based on pleasing others.

Everywhere his parents took him, they would pretend that everything was perfect, that they were a perfect family.

Because they had to be.

In order to maintain their reputation and public image, everything had to be done perfectly right.

_He_ had to do everything right, just as they wanted.

* * *

_It was nine o' clock and he was already tired. His jaw ached from all the smiling he had been doing, and his head pounded due to the constant talking taking place around him_.

_But there were two more hours to suffer through._

_So he smiled, and nodded at the person he was currently charming, pretending to be listening while subtly lifting a hand to his mouth to cover a yawn (a case of him trying not to fall asleep on his feet) hoping no one would notice._

_His companion didn't, but his parents did._

_Suddenly a feminine hand was tightly gripping his arm, and a soft, warm voice spoke above him._

"_I apologize, Mr. Anderson, but Izumi-san is asking to see Shinta."_

_The man smiled and nodded agreeably, "of course." He leaned forward, whispering, "it was a pleasure to speak with you m'boy."_

_Strong hands now rested on the boys shoulders. "I'm sure Shinta feels the same way," the voice was smooth and deep, but as it spoke the hands tightened painfully. "Say thank you, boy."_

"_Thank you, sir," Kenshin said, keeping his voice as steady as possible, hiding his fear._

_The woman smiled warmly, said her goodbyes, and then steered him away through the crowd by a painful, iron grip on his arm._

_When they were far enough from the other guests, she spun the boy around to face her and then pushed him against the wall._

"_What do you think you're doing?" She hissed angrily, her blue eyes suddenly full of ice._

* * *

But, he could never be perfect.

Not in their eyes

* * *

_His eyes grew wide, filled with fear, "I, I didn't mean to!"_

_The man with the smooth voice walked up behind them, and glared down at the boy._

"_It doesn't matter if you meant to, you still did it."_

_Silence hovered_ _between the three of them until the boy whispered softly, his head lowered in an attempt to hide from them, "I, I'm sorry."_

_The woman gripped both of the boy's arms tightly, and asked coldly, "do you have any idea how disrespectful that was?"_

"_We didn't raise you to act this way Kenshin, have you forgotten everything_ _we've taught you?" The man stepped forward and knelt in front of the boy, his eyes narrowed angrily, "have you?"_

"_No, no, of course not."_

_The woman raised her hand to where the boy could see it and hissed, "Then act like it!"_

_Next thing Kenshin knew, his right cheek stung and reflexive tears ran down his cheeks._

"_Stop crying!"_

_Now his other cheek stung as well, and the tears were coming faster._

"_Pitiful, you're pitiful," the icy voice sneered, and a handkerchief hit the boys face."_

_Automatically, Kenshin reached down, picked up the handkerchief and wiped his face dry, his eyes never leaving their faces._

_The man frowned, "stop acting like a baby." He snatched the handkerchief away from the small hand and, holding it as if it were a disgusting piece of trash, flung it away. "You're our son, start acting like it."_

* * *

In public, they would act like a family, smiling warmly at each other and acting as if they cared deeply for each other. Behind the scenes, everything was different.

It was then, with no strangers, no cameras and no press, that his parents would scold him, yelling and hitting, sometimes even withholding food from him for an entire day.

That night, they would take his punishment to a completely new level

* * *

_After the party, he was roughly pushed into the back seat of their car and told to stay out of sight._

_His parents sat in the front, and waved charmingly to a few stray reporters before speeding out of the driveway at an incredibly fast pace._

_It was then that the boy realized they were drunk._

* * *

_Under the cover of complete darkness, he was once again forcefully pulled from the car to land with a jolt on the concrete sidewalk, the small covering of snow lending him little cushion._

"_Get up."_

_He quickly obeyed and followed his parents into the house, led by a hand tightly gripping the collar of his shirt._

_Once the door was open the boy was thrown inside, landing on his back on the cold, linoleum of the front entrance hall._

* * *

It was a night he would never forget, and one that would influence the rest of his life.

* * *

_The sound of high heels clacking on the hard floor came to him duly as he lay on some cold substance, his entire body throbbing with the pain from his landing. His head hurt the most, but he didn't notice due to his vision swimming in and out of focus._

_The clacking stopped, causing the boy to sigh quietly with relief. But the feeling was short-lived when he was suddenly hoisted in the air by a firm grip on his hair. He cried out in pain, but the person just stuffed a cloth inside his mouth, and lifted him until they were face to face._

"_Worthless."_

_A cold voice spat the word at him and then began shaking the small body around_ _in the air while spitting more accusatory words at him. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the hurtful words as well as the pain throbbing through his body, but before he could do so, he was on the ground again._

"_Remember boy, you're just a tool,"_

_Now a heavy object was pressed down onto his chest, making it hard for him to breathe._

_He looked up, barely breathing around the cloth, and saw his mothers face hovering above him, her eyes an ice blue color and her lips pressed together into a cold, thin smile._

"_Nothing but a tool. A worthless, pitiful, inhuman, tool," the cold voice sneered, pressing harshly on his chest._

_Gasping, the boy closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain while focusing his mind. He needed to get away. He couldn't take much more of this, he could barely breathe or move, but he needed to get away. _

_Fear overtook his mind, paralyzing him as thoughts came to him of what his parents would do next._

_Suddenly he was in the air again, held there by a strong hand on his collar, with his feet dangled off the floor._

_As if in a dream, the boy felt his jacket and shoes being removed, causing cold air to soothe the small amount of exposed skin, relieving little of the pain._

_It also meant his parents had access to more of his body, and could now hurt him more, and make the pain worse._

"_You didn't think we were done with you, did you boy?" A deep voice sneered in his ear, "did you think that we would let you go, with just this as punishment?"_

_The cold voice joined in as well, tightly gripping his hair, "you wouldn't learn if we did. And you still have many things to learn."_

_Now he was flying across the hall, tumbling over and over until he hit the wall with a crash._

_Pain exploded in his head and spread to his entire body, the pain of the abuse becoming worse with every second increasing unbearably from hitting the wall. He slid down it like a doll, and then fell in a heap onto the floor below, leaning heavily against the thankfully solid surface as he fought to keep conscious._

_Images faded in and out of his vision, and he felt and heard things as if he were outside his body._

_His mother and father smiling amusedly down at his battered body, watching as his breathing slowed and eyes unfocused._

_The feel of strong hands ripping his clothes away until he was sitting there, naked._

_A cold smile as a knife was run against his skin, bursts of pain as small cuts formed and bled._

_Empty words being whispered in his ear, not reassurances but instead harsh insults, telling him how worthless he was._

_His face stinging from harsh hands, tears spilling down hot cheeks, unwanted but uncontrollable._

_A rough hand grabbing his hair and pulling his head back, slamming it against the wall_, _causing another wave of pain to shudder through his body._

_Something hot, burning hot, pressed against the bottom of his feet and palms of his hands, causing them to burn and shake with pain._

_Involuntary gasps and whimpers, muffled by the cloth, came from his mouth in response to their actions._

_Being lifted and pressed against the wall into a standing position, even though his body could not support itself._

_Another body, clothed, pressing against him, keeping him in place against the wall._

_A sudden searing pain, causing his entire body to shudder, and a low, wordless moan to leave his mouth as his body shook with pain and tears flowed down his face._

_Finally the world around him went black, and the shadows reached for him as he sank into complete darkness._

_The date was November 23rd, 1996._

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and not too many of you were put off by it. I once again apologize, but it IS important to the story.

As you might have noticed, this story is about Kenshin.

This chapter takes place when he is about 9 years old.

I realize that I used both of his names in this chapter, but there is a reason for this. When he was younger, from when he was born to when he was nine years old, he was named and called Shinta. But his parents changed his name to Kenshin when he was nine. The public and people outside of his family calls him Shinta, while his family calls him Kenshin.

There isn't anything else I can think of to explain, but if you have questions please send them in a review, or a pm.

Thank you for reading... and please review!

ja ne,

mijichan


	2. Chapter 1

Perfection

Ch 2

Alright, here is the second chapter of my new story.

Warning: this is not as dark as the first chapter, but does have a bit of angst.

Disclaimer: (same as previous chapter)

Please read, enjoy and review!

* * *

She had first seen him wandering around the halls of her high school. It was hard to miss the bright red hair among the darker colors of the other students. 

He was also uncommonly short.

Even though the girl never had a class with him, there were several rumors floating around the school concerning the redhead. They were hard to miss, too.

All who had taken a class with him claimed the teen was extremely quiet and almost never said a word, except when he was spoken to.

The teachers were wary of his attitude, but still adored him; he seemed to be a model of their perfect student.

Most of his other classmates ignored him. Not only was the boy different, but he was also an outsider, new to the school only this recent year, their senior year.

And no one wanted to be the first to befriend the new boy.

So, she had never tried.

* * *

It was the first day of classes and she was already running late. Last night she had tiredly set her alarm, not bothering to check the batteries, but this morning it hadn't gone off. 

So, now she was running around getting dressed, and making sure she had all of her things, before dashing out of the building, yelling a goodbye to her still-sleeping roommate.

The girl rushed across campus, disregarding sidewalks and stairs, gasping for breath while her book bag, full and bulging with class materials, bounced against her side as she ran. While she ran, every once in awhile the girl would check the watch wrapped around her wrist before cursing and running faster.

Five minutes later she rushed through the classroom door, falling to her knees on the carpet while the wooden door slammed fiercely against the wall.

"Ah, Miss Kam-i-a, how kind of you to join us."

The girl looked up, her breathing slowing to normal at the sound of the warm, pleasant male voice.

As well as her name being badly mispronounced.

"If you would be so kind as to take a seat, I will continue with class."

Blushing fiercely, she got to her feet, accompanied by several snickers, and, after righting her bag, scanned the room for remaining open seats. The last one was in the fourth row, second seat to the end, next to a partially familiar red-headed boy.

She quickly apologized to her professor, and then walked over to the chair.

Pausing next to the boy, she asked quickly, "Can I sit here?" while pointing at the empty seat.

His head turned towards her, and for several seconds she was surveyed by violet eyes, startling her into silence.

"Sure."

The girl smiled at him, but he had already turned back to the front, ignoring her.

Sighing, she squished through the minimal space between the row of chairs and table, to sit down heavily in the empty seat, and then drop her bag on the floor next to her.

Half-expecting the professor to yell at her for making so much noise, the girl glanced at the front to see him still focused on summarizing the syllabus.

She mumbled quietly under her breath about annoying teachers who ignored their students, as well as other Americans who were unable, for some reason, to correctly pronounce a simple Japanese name.

"He mispronounced my name, too."

The girl started at the boy's soft, monotone voice, "w-what?"

He turned slightly towards her and patiently repeated himself.

"What's your name?" She asked, somehow making it sound like a demand.

The boy now turned to completely face her, a strange expression on his face.

"Ken Seijuro."

After a seconds pause she gasped and said, as loudly as she dared, "You were at my high school!"

In response he raised an eyebrow at her, "I was?"

"Yeah!" At his lingering, what she guessed, confused, expression she elaborated, "I'm Kaoru Kamiya."

He dipped his head slightly, "nice to meet you."

Kaoru grinned, "Same here! Oh, and sorry for not talking to you in high school. I didn't do it purposefully or anything like that."

"It's fine."

When the boy didn't continue, she asked over-cheerfully, "so, how did he butcher your name?"

A slight smile flickered, "Ken Sew-jay-row."

"Yucky," she commented, making a face.

He nodded agreeably.

Kaoru turned back to the lecture and, making sure the boy couldn't see her expression, frowned. The boy seemed to be exactly how her classmates had described him, worryingly so.

Everyone suffered through the rest of class, immediately standing when the professor dismissed them.

She glanced at Ken to see if he was as relieved as she was to get out (why had she signed up for this class in the first place?) but his face was like stone, showing no expression or emotion.

Cautiously the girl reached out and gently gripped his wrist, frowning worriedly when he flinched but then quickly relaxed, as if he didn't want her to notice. "Do you want to go get something to drink, or the like?" she asked softly, as if she didn't want to do more than whisper around him.

Some emotion flickered in his eyes, but it was gone just as quickly before she could identify it. When he spoke, it was in the same soft voice. "No, thank you. I, I have to, I have things to do."

Then, without warning Ken zipped up his backpack and nearly ran out the door, leaving her alone in the room.

Kaoru blinked and dazedly picked up her bag, then walked out of the room and into the hall. Why had he seemed in such a hurry to leave? Had she said something wrong?

Resolving to ask the next time she saw him, the girl walked back to her dorm.

* * *

Safely inside his room, in his dorm building, Ken leaned against the wall and sighed heavily, closing his eyes. 

_ I can't do this anymore._

He slowly sank to the floor, resting his head against the hard wood, feeling the cold floor's chill on his bare feet.

_ I can't live like this. It's been too long; I can't remember how to live normally._

Shivering at the freezing sensation, the boy raised his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. A few seconds later he began gently rocking back and forth.

_ I don't feel like a real person anymore. I don't know who I am._

Out in the hall a group of boys ran past, yelling and laughing with each other because of some joke or argument.

But he didn't hear them. He didn't hear anything.

_ I lived most of my life as a puppet. Now I can't live on my own. I don't know how to do things on my own._

The boy sighed loudly. And the girl from history class. Kaoru. What was he going to do about her?

_ She asked me to have a drink, and I panicked. I didn't know what I wanted. I couldn't say yes. But I couldn't say no._

She had been so nice to him. She had been the one person to speak to him, the one person who hadn't ignored him.

But he didn't know how to react. His whole life he had done what his parents had told him to, but now he was on his own. Before, people had only noticed him because of his celebrity status, but here no one knew who he really was. And they ignored him.

The boy sighed again.

Everyone… except for Kaoru.

He remembered her from high school, remembered seeing her in the halls. But she had never spoken to him, most of them hadn't. So, now that they went to the same college, he had expected to get the same treatment.

_ But, she did speak to me. As if I was a person, as if I existed._

At first she hadn't recognized him. When she did, he had expected her to turn away, to immediately stop talking.

_ But she didn't. She acted as if it didn't matter. I know she knows who I am; I know she knows the rumors about me. But she didn't seem to care._

He had changed his name in order to escape from his past life. It had been his own way to cut all of his ties with that horrible existence. To have a new life as a new person, a new chance to live how he wanted.

But he didn't know what he wanted. He didn't know what this chance meant. He didn't know what to make of it.

So, he lived like he always had. Alone, afraid, and distant.

It was the only way he knew how to live.

The boy hung his head between his legs, sighing as he slowly ran his hand through his hair.

But now there was Kaoru.

_ What should I do about her? I'm too scared to let her get too close to me, but… she's the first person who noticed me and actually bothered to talk with me, who hasn't ignored me. She seems so surreal... I can't tell if she's really there or not._

Maybe this was all a dream, maybe he had created Kaoru as a way to ignore his problems.

_ She looks like HER._

He gasped, his head rising and eyes snapping open simultaneously.

Did he really just think that? Was that really the truth?

_ They're not the same person. SHE'S dead. She won't come back. Neither of them will come back._

_ But they look alike. You can't ignore it. They look very alike._

_ They're not the same. They're not the same._

_ Maybe not. But she could turn out to be like her._

_ Never._

_ Do you really want to find out?_

_ No. _A light sigh escaped him_. I just won't let her get close enough then._

* * *

The next time Kaoru saw the redhead was at lunch the next day. He was sitting at a small round table in the back of the cafeteria, all alone with a nearly empty tray set in front of him. 

As she wandered around the cafeteria getting food, the girl kept an eye on Ken, noticing that he never moved and rarely looked up from where his gaze was fixed on the tray in front of him. It was as if he were afraid to meet anyone's eyes, or to be caught staring. Kaoru sighed; the boy didn't seem to like people at all. Or, he liked them, yet was scared of being too close.

After Kaoru had gotten food, and a drink, she weaved her way between the tables to where Ken was sitting. The entire time she walked towards him, the boy never raised his head, or registered her presence, instead keeping his eyes locked on the tabletop.

When she finally made it to the table, Kaoru stopped beside him and set her tray down on the hard surface, trying to make enough noise to startle him.

But he didn't react.

"Excuse me, can I sit here?"

Finally he raised his head slightly, and glanced at her from beneath his long bangs. But it was only a second before he returned his gaze to the tray, his only response to her question a small shrug.

"Thanks."

Kaoru sat down and quickly began eating, keeping one eye focused on Ken the entire time. Quite quickly she noticed that even though he had a tray of food in front of him, the boy was not eating from it at all. Not a spoonful or forkful of anything.

The girl sighed softly and set down her fork. "You have to eat Ken."

"I'm fine," He replied quietly, then turned away from her to stare out the window, his eyes unfocused.

She frowned at him, puzzled. He wasn't really paying attention to her, or to their surroundings. What's with him? He's so…distant. "Ken, food is good for you. If you don't eat then you'll go hungry."

Ken replied quietly, "I'm not hungry Kaoru-san."

"If you're not hungry, then why did you come here?" The girl questioned, shoving a forkful of lemon cake into her mouth while glancing over at him.

The boy only shrugged, sat forward in his chair and distractedly began pushing his food around the plate with a fork.

"Ken! Didn't you hear me?" Kaoru demanded impatiently, glaring at him over her forkful of food.

He glanced at her then stared down at the plate again, sighing, "Yes."

Rolling her eyes, the girl glared more fiercely at him. "Then answer! If you didn't come here to eat, then why did you? And why won't you eat? You'll starve without food."

"I'm fine Kaoru-san," Ken repeated more firmly, glancing quickly at her.

She frowned and growled softly at him, "You can't be fine! You look like you never eat! You're so skinny for a boy!" The girl pushed his tray towards him, and tried to force a fork into his hand, "Eat! Eat!"

But at the contact he tensed and his hand became stiff. The fork fell with a clatter from his fingers that had not tightened around the silverware, to the table.

"What was that for? How do you expect to eat without a fork?" She picked up the discarded silverware, pierced a piece of chicken, then raised it to the redhead's mouth and shoved it inside.

Something flickered within Ken's eyes before he pulled the chicken off, chewed for awhile and swallowed, all while Kaoru watched him carefully.

"Good!" the girl exclaimed happily, and began slowly feeding him forkfuls of the food on his plate.

Obediently, the boy ate each forkful as it was presented to him, but each time, his eyes flickered and the limited emotion visible in them lessened, until there was almost no feeling remaining in them, and his expression was almost a complete mask.

When all of the food was gone, Kaoru set the fork back down on the now empty plate, and smiled cheerfully at him. "See? That wasn't so hard!" The girl teased the redhead, and then gently poked his arm. "You need to eat more often Ken; you're as skinny as a toothpick!"

The boy nodded in agreement, wondering at the comparison of him to a cooking utensil, and also not wanting to cause the girl to become angry with him. To his dismay, he felt the familiar sensation of submission choking him because of her actions, and was trying to not wince at her touch, or at her words that sounded like an order to him.

"Ken? You okay?" Her tone was one of worry, and even before she placed her palm against his forehead, he anticipated the action with fear."Ken?"

He forced himself to calm down, and breathed deeply a few times before he was able to answer her, still stuttering, "y-yes, I'm fine."

Not believing him, the girl frowned and leaned in until they were nearly face to face, her sleeveless arm brushing his sleeved one. "You sure, 'cause-"

At the close contact, Ken fearfully realized that he could barely contain the fear and submissiveness that was occurring within his mind because of her words, and also because of how her body, were too close for any type of comfort. He panicked, trying to stop himself from his immediate reaction of withdrawing within himself, and instead tried to appear outwardly calm, for his companion's sake. "I'm, I'm sure I'm fine."

Even though Kaoru obviously didn't trust his words, the boy knew that he couldn't contain himself long enough to convince her that he truly was okay. He had to get out of this place; he had to get away from her, at the very least. Being this close to someone for the first time in nine years, actually being so close to, and even just touching a girl was causing him to have subtle flashbacks of his past and because of them, he was having a hard time distinguishing between the present and the past.

"Ken!"

_ "Kenshin!"_

He cringed, tightly closing his eyes while trying to block out the voices. But they wouldn't go away, they wouldn't…

"Hey! Ken! Ken!"

The hand that had been gently pressed against his forehead was now gently placed on his arm, squeezing it lightly every time she spoke to him.

She said more to him, called his name more times, asked if he was alright, and continued to get his attention by squeezing his arm or speaking directly in his ear. But, none of her words reached him. He was too preoccupied with fighting off memories, with trying to not push her away. Every time she squeezed his arm, or touched him in any physical way, his fear grew and he lost even more control over himself. The few times he managed to make himself look up, and look directly at her, her face overlapped with the face of the person who he wanted to never see again, and whom he had been frightened of his entire life.

_ "Kenshin."_

_ Okaa-san._

_ This can't be…_

_ No, no._

"Ken, please. Talk to me."

The hand squeezed his arm again, harder than before. When he didn't outwardly react the girl went further, this time slowly reaching up to brush his hair away from his face. But then, at her touch he flinched and closed his eyes again, pulling away again.

"Ken, please."

_ Don't, please don't. Don't._

"I, I can't…"

His voice was softer than even a whisper, but the girl was close enough to hear. "What can't you? What's wrong?" she asked happily, excited that he had finally spoken to her.

Suddenly it all felt like too much.

The redhead rapidly stood up, pushing his chair away harshly while at the same time hitting his hand on the tray.

"Ken?"

He stayed there for almost a minute, standing still with his body completely tensed, while staring intensely at the ground, trying to not show his fear. The teen fought with himself, her voice was overlapping with another one that he knew far too well, and his mind was spinning from the fear and defeat that came from the sudden and too familiar situation he was experiencing. Control no longer existed for him, or, it was close to becoming extinct.

"Ken! Come on! Talk to me!"

_ "Kenshin! Answer me!"_

The boy fiercely shook his head, trying to bring himself back to the present. "I, I can't."

Kaoru frowned and reached up to his tug gently on the long sleeve that draped over his wrist, almost covering his hands to the fingertips, "Ken. You said that before, but didn't answer me. What can't you do?"

"I," the redhead sighed and took in a shaky breath, slowly opening his eyes. "I have to go!" He exclaimed quietly, and then walked quickly out of the cafeteria, leaving behind his tray and a bewildered Kaoru.

* * *

Once inside his dorm building, Ken rushed up the stairs and down the hall to his room before jamming his key into the lock and fussing with the thing until it finally unlocked and the door swung silently open. 

The redhead dashed inside the room before slamming the heavy door shut, making such a loud racket that it most likely could be heard throughout the entire building. He stumbled through his room in the complete dark, tripping over several things in his hurry, until he finally made it to the bed and sunk onto it before crawling under the sheets and pulling them up to his chin.

It was then that at last he closed his eyes and relinquished the control of his mind, letting the flashbacks and memories from earlier finally wash over him, and return him to the terrifying days of his childhood, and of the many times spent with his parents.

The teen curled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, a small yet hopeless attempt at protecting himself from those painful memories.

_ It's her, it's that girls fault_, was his last thought before sinking into the darkness; _she looks too much like her._

* * *

And on that note, the chapter ends. Sorry if you thought it was a little too angsty, but its neccessary to the story, especially to show how Ken was influenced by his childhood. I promise that it will not always be as angsty as this. Although it will eventually get more dark. If anyone dislikes angsty and dark stories, then I would suggest not reading this story. Sorry.

Thanks to Ash-chan for beta-ing this chapter, and all of my other stories. You're awesome girl!

Thanks to Onhiro for my one review! Yes, one review. I would love to receive more reviews, especially since they help me know what to change or fix to make the story more enjoyable or understandable. I will also except flames, but only light ones, since they help as well, although they are angering.

Anyway, either way please review. I would love to hear from you guys and hear what you think about this story. I am also possibly considering not continuing this story, since I do not really have a plot for it in mind, except for a few things, and dislike writing without a plot. So, please give me your feedback. And no, this is not a threat, just a call for help.

For the next week I will be on fall break, so I hope to be able to get more writing done in some of my stories. So there will be possible updates this week, although it depends on how quickly Ash and I can work.

Um, I think thats all for now. Please review! I'll try to update as soon as possible! I hope you enjoyed this story so far!

ja ne,

mijichan


	3. Chapter 2

Perfection

Ch 2

Hey everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long! I thought I would write more over the summer, but I turned out not to...

But here's a new chapter!

Warning: this chapter has not been beta-ed so I apologize in advance for any mistakes in spelling or grammar that you might find.

Enjoy!

* * *

After the scene with Ken at the cafeteria Kaoru didn't see the boy for awhile. He stopped coming to the history class they shared for an entire week, and she also didn't see him on the way to and from her classes, or around campus. It was as if he had disappeared to some private place, and was now staying there in seclusion, hiding himself from the outside world.

She tried searching for his dorm or room number in the college directory, but found that it was not listed. When Kaoru asked some of the people she knew, they didn't even recognize his name. The problem was that these findings didn't help her on her search to find the redheaded, and it also showed that he didn't interact with many people, and resided inside his room when he wasn't busy with classes.

So Kaoru went to the various areas around campus where she thought it would be possible for a person to hide himself from the world, and a place where, even though it may not be his room, where he probably was at the moment- even if she didn't know where that was- he could be hiding instead. The problem was that she, nor anyone else on campus, knew where he was.

In the end, she gave up on finding him and decided that the boy would show up eventually, even though she hated the idea of leaving him somewhere alone and maybe in pain.

But, even though Kaoru cared for the redhead, although she had basically just met him, she still had classes and homework that also needed her time and concentration. So, she ended up lending her time and mind to these academic problems, instead of to Ken, for the entire week, and the following weekend.

* * *

Early in the morning, on Monday, Kaoru found herself sitting in history class being bored to death. Her teacher was lecturing on the early Mayan culture, showing aged slides of some of the few remaining ruins while most of the class either took illegible notes or caught up on their sleep. It wasn't that the Mayans were a boring subject; it was just that their professor didn't seem to know what he was talking about, or be interested in what he was teaching.

Ten minutes after Kaoru had given up on taking notes, and only a few minutes before she was sure to fall asleep, the door quietly opened and a figure stepped inside the room. All of the students turned to stare at the newcomer, while the teacher remained oblivious at the interruption.

Kaoru slowly raised her head from her arms and turned to glance at the door, wondering what could have attracted her half-dazed classmates, when she realized who was standing in the doorway looking uncomfortable. The girl waved enthusiastically to the boy, but he kept his gaze locked on the ground, only glancing up a few times at the teacher. He then began moving around the sides of the room, trying to make his way to the empty chair that was next to Kaoru, without catching their professor's attention.

He had made it across the side and the back of the room, and was only a few yards away from Kaoru when their teacher happened to look back at the class.

"Mr. Seijuro, what do you think you are doing?"

Ken stopped and became still. After a few seconds pause he answered quietly, "I was trying to make my way to a seat without disrupting your lecture, sir." The politeness, and undoubtedly the use of 'sir,' caused some students to stare or raise their eyebrows at him while Kaoru looked over sadly at her friend; something was wrong, or upsetting him, but she had no idea of what it could be.

"Oh, I see. Very well, then. Continue to your seat," the teacher replied, slightly surprised at the lack of teenage rebellion he had expected.

The teen nodded his head slightly and walked the rest of the way to the empty chair before quietly sitting down on it. He slowly lowered his backpack to the ground and slid a notebook from inside, and then a pencil. Without so much as a glance around the room, the redhead opened the notebook and began writing down notes from the lecture.

"Ken," Kaoru whispered softly, trying to get his attention without attracting anyone else's. But he continued to write and stare at the front of the room, as if she hadn't spoken.

She sighed, he seemed even worse than he had in the cafeteria. "Ken, are you alright?"

Again there was no answer.

Checking that their teacher was still talking and clueless about the situation, Kaoru glanced towards the blackboard before slowly moving her hand towards his. He seemed to not notice the entire time her hand was moving, until she gently placed hers on top of his, stilling his writing.

At her touch he became very still, no longer moving his hand. The boy made no response to her words, or to her contact- he continued to stare blankly at the teacher.

The girl whispered softly, "Ken," and lifted her hand slightly from his. "Please Ken, don't be like this, I need you to _talk_ to me."

But he still made no response, and was completely still except for the slight rise and fall of his chest, showing he was at least still breathing.

Kaoru gently unwound his fingers from the pen loosely held in his grip and gently took his hand into her own. "Ken," she murmured softly, lightly squeezing his hand, trying to comfort him.

"I'm fine," he whispered quietly, sighing.

However, underneath her hand, his was trembling slightly- a small sign of discomfort. She gently strengthened her hold on his hand, keeping the comforting contact between them. "Ken, you don't have to be afraid of me."

When he was quiet, the girl slyly glanced at the teacher, and other students, then shifted her chair closer to the redhead.

"You weren't in class for an _entire week_ Ken, something must have happened." She smiled encouragingly at him, "please, tell me what's wrong."

His hand stiffened and loosened within hers, and a few seconds later he whispered, his voice barely audible even in the near-silence of the classroom, "Don't worry. Nothing happened."

Kaoru frowned, and then pouted annoyed, "You can't say that! Something did!"

The teen lowered his head to his chest, hiding his expression with his shoulder-length hair, "please Kaoru-san, don't press. I'm fine."

She no longer knew what to say, he didn't seem to respond to anything she said; he only spoke a few soft words in return. It was as if in the week he had been absent, something had affected him, or scarred him so deeply that it changed his behavior. The girl was confused, and desperately wanted to help him, especially since he seemed to be hurting.. She would admit that usually she wouldn't try to help someone who seemed so desperate to distance themselves from society. But, Ken was different. It seemed like he didn't want to be so isolated from people, but she wondered if it were the only way he had found to survive with whatever problems he was being forced to live with.

"Ken, I don't want to be mean, but I don't think missing class for a _week_ constitutes as fine."

Her companion sighed, and relaxed slightly, "I was sick Kaoru-san, that's all."

The girl gave a soft scoffing laugh, "yeah right. Well if you were, you sure recovered _quickly_." She leaned closer to him, "Come on Ken, I grew up with a younger _brother_. If you're going to lie to me, try a better one."

To Kaoru's surprise he became very still at her words and seemed to shudder before turning his head away from her. "I'm- I'm sorry."

She stared at him worriedly, "For, for what?"

The boy didn't answer her; he just continued to sit silently and motionlessly.

"Ken?" Even though she knew from a few minutes earlier he disliked being touched, Kaoru kept her hand on his and slowly raised her other one to gently touch his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Kaoru lifted her hand when he hissed sharply between his teeth. She definitely didn't expect that, what on earth happened? He had never reacted that way, something was wrong.

"Miss Kamiya!"

At the sound of the annoyed teacher's voice, she quickly moved away from Ken and turned to the front. "Yes?"

The middle aged man, which was the _polite _way to describe him, glared angrily at her- he seemed to dislike interruptions. "Please pay attention- this information is very important."

"Yes, Mr. Jones" The girl replied agreeably, waiting until his back was to her to roll her eyes at him. When she was done insulting the man, Kaoru turned to Kenshin and eyed him worriedly. She said softly, "Ken, please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

He shook his head roughly, hiding behind his hair once more.

Kaoru sighed and slumped in her chair, "it's something I said back in the cafeteria, isn't it."

A slow, barely perceptible shake of his head was her answer.

The girl frowned, closing her eyes in frustration, "then what happened? Please, tell me."

"Nothing, nothing happened. Don't worry," Ken whispered softly, turning away, clenching his fist.

It seemed there was nothing she could do to convince him to speak, to tell her what he wasn't saying. He cringed at her touch and only repeated the same few phrases as answers to her words. There was no way she could think of to convince him to speak the truth without making him more afraid of her.

"I _do_ care Ken, even if you don't think I do. We might have just met, but- " she glanced away, a slight blush covering her cheeks. "I want to help, with whatever's bothering you. Please, I _want_ to help."

Following her remark there was only silence, but beneath the silence she distinctly heard a soft sigh that came from Ken, and then the soft words, "Don't _pity_ me. I don't _need_ your pity," spoken softly, but in a harsh tone.

Kaoru's mouth dropped open slightly and she gently squeezed his hand, "I wasn't _pitying_ you Ken, I just said that I wanted to _help_. That's what friends _do_, they _help_."

"When people help you it's only out of pity- they don't really care." He tugged his hand out of her grip and cradled it in his own, "you're the same way. You only want to help me because you pity me, you feel sorry for me."

"No! That's not true at all!" the girl protested, trying not to raise her voice while attempting to convince the teen of the truth behind her actions and words. "I'm helping you because we're _friends_, and friends look out for each other. They lend a hand whenever someone else _needs_ it. And that's what I'm doing; I'm looking out for you. I want to know what happened so that I can help you overcome it."

Out of the corner of her eye, since she was busily studying his face, she saw his fists clench and then relax. "So you admit that you think I need help, that I can't _face_ or _overcome_ this on my own," however calm he appeared, it was belied by the harshness in his voice. "I'm not some poor helpless child, but I'm also not one of those rich bratty children who depend on others to help them- just because they don't know _how_. I can take care of myself, I don't _need_ you."

The girl bit her lip slightly, puzzling over what to say to him. She needed to say something that would convince him that her actions were _not_ out of pity that she was actually trying to help him not only because she could, but she _wanted _to.

As she was thinking, suddenly the noise from the classroom returned to her hearing, causing the girl to start and turn towards the front of the class.

"— is due for Monday's class. Have a good weekend."

Kaoru cursed quietly, and turned to begin packing her things in her backpack. She had completely zoned out and _now,_ she didn't know what the homework was! However much she wanted to help Ken, it was no reason for her to completely miss an entire class period. The girl carefully glanced around the room, trying to find at least one person whose name she knew- and who she could call later to find out the homework she missed.

When all of her things were packed away back into her backpack, she cautiously raised her head to glance at Ken… but he was already gone, walking away down the row of tables.

"Ken!" She called after him, only slightly raising her voice so that he would hear. Her heart beat faster when he paused in his stride, but didn't turn around. The girl waited, holding her breath, but after only a few seconds he continued on, without a word.

Kaoru sighed and hung her head in defeat, thinking how she had failed in her attempt to comfort him, and to find out what had happened to him. A few seconds later she straightened and rose from the chair. There was nothing she could do now- with that thought, she picked up her backpack before slowly leaving the now empty classroom.

* * *

He had had to get out of that room. He had had to get away from _her_.

No matter how many times he told himself that it wasn't true, or tried to convince himself that the real person he feared was dead, for some reason every time he was around Kaoru those truths melted away into fear and doubt.

The problem was that Kaoru looked so much like his mother, so much so that whenever he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, or wasn't focusing- his mind would tell him that it wasn't Kaoru at all, but his mother.

What was worse was that it was getting closer to that date, the day when he would completely bury himself in the past- and loose ties with the real world. The effects of the memories were already occurring, the past few nights he had gotten hardly any sleep, constantly waking from nightmares. Nightmares that were really memories of his childhood.

And just recently in class, he had unconsciously switched between the mindset of the scared boy he had used to be, and the person he was now- whoever that was. He hadn't meant to do so, but Kaoru's presence added to the current instability of his mind- causing him to shift back and forth depending on her actions or words.

The boy stumbled across campus, avoiding other people- especially students, as much as possible. He had to get back to his room- being outside, let alone around so many people, was causing his mind to be unstable, and fear to begin to cloud his thoughts, and judgment.

He hated living this way. He hated being afraid of nearly everything and of everyone. He hated not being able to trust anyone or to let anyone get close to him- and it was all in fear that as soon as they knew who he really was, and what had happened, they would desert him- and he would never see them again. Or that they would pity him and send him to some obscure place under the pretence of helping him, pretending that they cared.

He hated being so afraid, but that was the way he had existed for so much of his life that he didn't know how else to act, or how to act around other people. The truth was that how he behaved now was an act, a mask to contain his real self, the broken boy who dwelled in the far corners of his mind- constantly terrified.

Ken _wanted_ to let Kaoru into his life, wanted for her to always be there, especially after his nightmares so that she could comfort him, and send the bad dreams away.

But that was just selfish of him; he couldn't possibly ask that of her, especially when he didn't know how she would act when, or if, she ever found out the truth about him. He wanted to believe that she wouldn't push him away, that she would comfort him and help to recover the missing and broken parts of himself.

But, that was just wishful thinking.

He couldn't let anyone close, because they would just hurt him again.

Without realizing it, Ken had arrived at his dorm building and flashed his key card to enter the building, only noticing what he was doing when he nearly tripped walking up the stairs.

Admonishing himself, Ken finished climbing and then made his way down the hall, stopping in front of his door. Hurriedly fishing his keys out of his pocket, he opened the door and stumbled inside, nearly slamming the door behind him while throwing his backpack into some obscure corner of the room.

He had to get away from these dark thoughts; he couldn't think this way- his mind couldn't take it. He needed to find some form of comfort, something that would drive the nightmares away, even those he was having during in the daytime.

But as soon as he collapsed onto his bed, any thoughts of comfort or escape from the nightmares that plagued him vanished. It was too close to that date for him to have total or even near to complete control of his mind, and the earlier encounter with Kaoru had lessened that even more.

So instead he was left alone in his room, scared and lost while fearfully anticipating what would happen as soon as he closed his eyes, as soon as he left the real world behind.

He knew he would become the boy of his youth once again. And this time, he didn't know if he would be able to return from those nightmares.

Geez, what is with me and angst? And darkfic things? Mm, just my nature I guess. Although that's kind of weird cause I'm never like this in real life. Ask my friends, they'll tell you that I'm always cheerful and chipper.

Oh well.

Anyways... I hope all of you liked this chapter. I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I thought I would write more over the summer, but obviously it didn't turn out that way. It's funny how being back at college can make you feel like writing more.

It might seem like the story/plot is moving a little fast, and I apologize for that. But I don't want it to seem that chapter after chapter is only KKangst, I think that would get annoying after awhile.

Next chapter might be a little darker, but I'm not sure. Anyway it's sure to be good and interesting!

shameless plug

Once again I'll restate my warning: this chapter has not been beta-ed. So any mistakes in grammar or spelling are completely my fault. I apologize for any that you might find.

For those of you who read my other fanfics: I promise that I will update Kendo Club soon... I'm actually at least half way done with the next chapter. And Brotherly Bonds might be updated soon too, it's about time we get back to AyaxYuki right?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed my other chapters! And pleaser review this one too! I would appreciate you comments!

See you all soon!

-miji


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